“It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” ― Brother David Steindl-Rast[i]
Parenting is fulfilling. But it’s also relentless, scary, and full of disappointments. Days drag. Tasks repeat. Problems never stop. If we’re not careful, months pass without a pleasant thought, and our mental health spirals. Holidays magnify the stress of parenting, and we can wander into a trance-like state pretty quickly. We squash our lofty goals into one: simply making it through each day.
While reading One Thousand Gifts. I learned the power of thankfulness. On a dare, the author, Ann Voskamp, began a Gift List. Not of gifts she wanted, but of gifts she already had. And it transformed her life. She learned that deep joy is “found at the table of thanksgiving.”[ii] Over time, Voskamp wrote one thousand gifts she saw or experienced, and joy replaced despair.
Let’s explore how we can demonstrate a thankful attitude while parenting, especially during the busy holiday season when our routines collapse into disarray. Then we’ll reflect on benefits of parenting with gratitude.
Tips to an Attitude of Gratitude
Observe – I’m learning to lift my eyes. To peek over problems and look beyond immediate issues. When my printer breaks down, instead of frustration, I’m thankful to own a printer. When I’m interrupted for the fourteenth time, instead of snapping at the intruders, I’m grateful for family, friends, and colleagues who think of me. And when my child falters, hurts, or needs guidance because their routine has been upset, I thank God for their life and my availability.
Shift Perspective – Photography makes me happy. When I look through the lens, I’m forced to see the world from a different angle. Where is the best lighting? What if I crouch or stand on my toes? How does that change my perspective and help me understand the subject matter better? My favorite photos show a deeper story, capturing more than what’s apparent. Searching for the perfect photo compels me to find beauty in the midst of ugliness. We can do the same in any situation. Rather than focusing on the glaring ugliness, we can search for the beauty in our circumstances.
When overwhelmed with lists longer than the day, we can think back to a time we were content or start a list of things we appreciate. House, food, clothing, job, etc. This reminds us that not every little thing is doom and gloom.
Examine Details – Sometimes we have to search for a small detail – something minute – to ignite our thankfulness. When the baby cries for hours, we’re grateful she has lungs that work and a way to communicate. When a teen complains, we remind ourselves of one positive characteristic he possesses. When decorations are still in boxes and gifts beg to be wrapped, we can be thankful for family moments to come.
Pause to Thank – When we notice our emotions are unstable, we can intentionally pause and take a moment to reflect on what we appreciate. Refer to your appreciation list.
I consistently thank God for what He’s allowed in my life and what He’s teaching me through my trials. I also thank those around me throughout the day. Even though my husband takes the trash out every week, when I see the cans at the curb, I thank him for rolling it out there.
Embrace Grace – Fear, worry, and anxiety rob us of joy. Offering grace to ourselves and those around us chases these away. When we choose forgiveness and drop control, we become more gracious and thankful. And more joyful.
Benefits of A Thankful Attitude
Healthier Relationships – When we search for personality traits in others that we appreciate and maintain a grace-filled attitude, our relationships are strengthened. We approach situations with a calmer presence, which decreases tension in a conflict. This is especially helpful on those parenting days we feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated.
Improved Mental Health – When we are thankful, we are less stressed, less anxious, and less likely to be depressed. We are happier.
Improved Physical Health – When we are grateful, we sleep better and have healthier immune systems. We are more active and sick less often.
Increased Productivity – When we see the positive around us, our spirits lift. Therefore, we produce more.
An Infectious Attitude – When we reflect joy and gratitude, others change. Attitudes are contagious. My husband noticed my thankful attitude and the residual effects. He now pauses more often during trying moments to express gratitude. Our children notice our attitude. And whether they realize it or not, our disposition rubs off on them.
Parenting during the holidays can be depressing if we allow it. But the change in routine and extra time with them also rewards. During the next several weeks, let’s pause and ponder the personality traits in our children that make them special and choose to reflect on their behaviors that fill us with gladness. Let’s contemplate interactions that made us smile. Then broaden our list by examining surroundings and expressing gratefulness for possessions. We can meditate on the people in our life who positively influence us.
Let’s continue our list throughout the day and into tomorrow and next week. And reap the benefits.
Barb Winters
Barb Winters is a Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, and founder of Hopeful Mom.
[i] Goodreads. (n.d.). A quote by David Steindl-Rast. Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/286508-the-root-of-joy-is-gratefulness-it-is-not-joy-that
[ii] Voskamp, A. (2010). One Thousand gifts: A dare to live fully right where you are. Zondervan.
