Inform Grandparents of Online Dangers
When my son was sixteen, he confessed to his father and me (for the second time) that he had a pornography problem. Through his prompting and with his approval, we put several boundaries in place. Safeguards we should have previously established, but were too ignorant to realize we needed them.
The new restrictions included locked down computers and no movies with any type of nudity. Again, our son was fully on board with these regulations, as well as many others.
At home, these additional protections were a nuisance but doable. Was it an extra step every time my son needed to work on his computer? Yes. But well worth it. Did it take longer to choose which movie to watch? For sure. But again, worth it. Knowing that an unexpected scene wouldn’t invade my son’s mind during the movie put all of us at ease.
A snag arose, however, when my husband and I planned a trip out of town. I was forced to engage in an awkward conversation. Our children typically stayed with family members, and I had the unpleasant task of informing them that my son’s computer was now password protected. They would need to let him in. Additionally, I asked them not to watch anything with even a little nudity. Even though we didn’t disclose the reason behind our new rules, our family members complied with our request.
Educate Grandparents and Other Family Members
Let’s not hesitate to educate grandparents and other close relatives. While we are learning about online dangers and how to safeguard our children, let’s pass this information along.
At one of my online safety presentations, a grandfather told me he wasn’t aware of the risks I enumerated. He allowed his grandchildren on their devices at night without understanding the dangers. I appreciated his honesty. He’s not the first grandparent to recognize their home isn’t as safe as they thought. On another occasion, while recording a podcast, the host, a grandmother, grasped the need for filters on her Wi-Fi when the grandkids visited. Yes!
Parents aren’t the only ones who need precautionary tools in their homes.
What should you include in a discussion with grandparents?
- Remind them they were young and curious once. They pushed boundaries and explored areas that were off limits. In that regard, children haven’t changed. The difference is that now the “strangers” we were warned about exist online and have access to our children 24 hours a day through their streaming devices.
- Compile statistics of pornography exposure or give examples of local teens who experienced trafficking or legal consequences from sending explicit images.
- Explain your screen boundaries and ask them to observe these same boundaries in their home.
- Request that they install filters on their Wi-Fi routers.
- Discuss what to do if they find their grandchildren sending or receiving nudes, watching pornography, breaking screen time limits, or interacting with tricky people.
- Ask them not to keep secrets.
- Communicate that boundaries protect their grandchildren.
- Point them to other resources.
Just like updating rules in our home sometimes creates pushback, grandparents may face the same pushback. So, after agreement from grandparents, it may be helpful to sit with your teens and grandparents together to go over the guidelines. Remind your teens you are protecting them, not punishing them. Because you love them. Your job as trusted adults in their lives is to keep them safe.
And if the grandparents won’t adhere to the standards you’ve created? Maybe it’s time to limit unsupervised visits in their home. It sounds harsh, but your job as their parent is to keep your children safe.
When should you discuss online safety concerns with family members? As soon as possible. Don’t wait until an issue arises. Don’t assume this information is common knowledge. I didn’t know what I didn’t know until after I needed to know. And I wish someone had told me.
Help the next generation by informing grandparents and others about online dangers.
Barb Winters is a Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, and founder of Hopeful Mom. Barb was named in the list of 20 Inspiring Women Dedicated to Making Life Safer for Kids.
