Only 1 in 7 married parents meet the criteria for resilience.
When an email about a 2024 study conducted by Barna landed in my inbox a few weeks ago, I was intrigued. And encouraged. Resilience can be measured. It can also be learned. Good news for parents as we attempt to navigate the unknown path of parenting.
What were the criteria established by Barna for this study, and why is this information important?
Before we answer those questions, let’s look at the definition of resilience and analyze our own resilient nature.
What is resilience? “The process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.”
How easily do you adapt when faced with a challenge or unexpected situation? Maybe your day is planned and your boss hands you a task which needs completed immediately. Do you switch gears quickly and cheerfully? Or does it take a few minutes to adjust to your newly appointed chore?
When working under a rigid bell schedule at schools, my co-workers and I must be flexible. Each class is unique. And when the unexpected occurs, like a fire alarm, we must quickly modify our teaching.
Let’s expand this thinking to parenting. When our children are emotionally unraveling, need something immediately, or disagree with us, how do we respond? Are we able to deescalate the situation?
Resilience is more than adapting on the fly, though. Illnesses, accidents, changes in family dynamics, and life circumstances disrupt our physical, emotional, and mental rhythms. We aren’t expected to readily accept each unforeseen situation, but we can steadily redirect our energy and resources in our new life direction. For example, when each of my now-adult children left our home (or in one instance, we moved away and left him behind), I was forced to walk through the grieving process. I learned to accept my new routine and home balance. This process took time and intention.
Indicators of Resilient Families
In their survey of married parents, Barna measured family resilience based on these four markers:
- “Shared values and beliefs that guide family life
- Open and healthy communication between spouses
- A deep emotional connection within the marriage
- Active engagement in community or faith-based practices beyond the household”
Families with all four were labeled “resilient.” Fourteen percent of families surveyed were resilient. Thirty-six percent had zero or one marker and were deemed “fragile.”
Resilient Family Behaviors
The Barna survey found these three practices present in resilient families.
- Resilient Families Practice Repair, Not Avoidance
While fragile families tend to avoid conflict or respond with sarcasm, withdrawal, or silence, married parents in resilient families address the strain in relationships. They take responsibility for their actions and attempt to repair relational tension. They’ve learned, some through shared beliefs, to take accountability, apologize, and offer forgiveness. This leads to humility, emotional safety, and restored trust.
- Resilient Families Seek Support After Hardship
All families experience hardship. It’s the actions they take during and after that distinguish a resilient family from others. Married parents in resilient families are more likely to notice and name the difficult experience and seek support from those they trust, counselors, or faith-based communities.
- Resilient Families Engage Beyond the Household
Connecting with others outside their immediate household supplies structure and stability during times of strain. Volunteering, participating in community groups, and engaging in shared spiritual rhythms provide a sense of purpose and belonging.
Application
In summary, “families that are quick to apologize to each other, that ask for help from others, and that engage with community life are most likely to be resilient.”
At times, success is gauged by the presence or absence of problems. However, we can’t expect to live without disagreements or difficulties. Thankfully, we can choose to learn how to respond to differences and disputes in a manner that strengthens relationships and imparts resiliency. That gives me hope.
Barb Winters is a Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, and founder of Hopeful Mom. In March 2025, Barb was named in the list of 20 Inspiring Women Dedicated to Making Life Safer for Kids.
