HALT is an acronym for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. These emotional states or unwanted circumstances lead to unhealthy decisions. When we’re irritable and start to reach for a vice of some kind for comfort, we should pause and ask ourselves if we’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. But there’s one more situation I want to add to this list: boredom.
Boredom leads to making unhealthy choices, such as drinking, drugs, violence, excessive shopping, sexual activity, or watching pornography.
Boredom is especially dangerous for those already caught in an addiction. It can be a trigger.
I first learned this fact when my teenage son battled a pornography problem. When he told me that boredom triggered him, I was taken aback. After some research, though, I discovered one of the top reasons porn users cite as a trigger is boredom. With time on their hands and nothing to do, their minds wander, and soon enough the lure of porn draws them in. Boredom is an enemy to addicts.
A blog post at Fight the New Drug states, “It is widely noted that Millennials and Gen Z’ers are plagued with boredom in a way previous generations were not.”[i] The twist is that they are bored because they have too many options. They’re on information overload. “Options, stimuli, variety, and newness bombard us from our smartphones and laptops.”[ii] This plethora of choices leads to the opposite effect of their intentions. “The evidence is everywhere that a sea of options only makes us restless and unfulfilled. Millennials and Gen Z’ers are more likely to be perpetually bored with life in general, despite having more access to activity and stimulation than in any previous era.”[iii] These generations haven’t learned to cope with idleness, so pornography consumers turn to porn. “The irony here is that porn doesn’t actually relieve tension, satisfy boredom, or fulfill an angsty mind. In fact, it can lead to further isolation, restlessness, and depression. Basically, porn makes the boredom plague worse.”[iv] We can infer that boredom gives rise to various other risky behaviors that ultimately do not satisfy boredom.
Here’s my take on this information: The next generation hasn’t learned contentment in silence. They don’t know how to be still.
I’ve noticed it has creeped into my life as well. If I have a few minutes of down time, I’m apt to fill it with noise—a TV program or scrolling through social media. No wonder our children can’t sit still.
How do we help our children cope with boredom?
We can’t just say, “Stop it.” Instead, we need to help them replace their habitual behavior with healthy choices.
Make a list of activities your children and family can turn to when they are bored. Homework. Chores. Outside activities. Sports. Family games. Brainstorm new pursuits or hobbies.
But we shouldn’t just figure out a way to fill those boring moments with activity. Additionally, we want to address the underlying issue: the inability to be alone or quiet without an incessant urge to do something.
The brain grows accustomed to continuous stimulation, thus needing “updated” in order to find satisfaction in stillness. Let’s help the next generation choose to pause, take a few deep breaths, and slow down. With practice, they can slow their thoughts and train their bodies to relax. We can, too. Our children are more likely to listen to our suggestions if we exhibit stillness in our lives.
Let’s flip the script on boredom.
Encourage your children to form relationships with real-life people while engaging in lighthearted activities or having deep conversation. Face-to-face communication is important. Elicit your children’s help brainstorming non-screen family activities. Look up conversation starters online, and ask a different question at supper every night. Be creative.
Help your children embrace boredom. Our bodies crave mental and physical rest. Take a slow walk. Help your child learn to sit quietly. Read a book. Pray or meditate.
Long-term planning and consistency are necessary when combatting temptations. Be patient with your teens as they change their habits. Be available and encourage them often. The time spent is worth it. You and your children will be healthier.
Barb Winters
Barb Winters is a Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, and founder of Hopeful Mom.
[i] “Porn Sites Have Endless Options, So Why Are Millennials and Zoomers Sexually Bored?,” Fight the New Drug, August 21, 2020, https://fightthenewdrug.org/millennials-and-gen-z-are-the-most-bored-generations-ever-is-online-porn-making-it-worse/?.
[ii] Ibid.
[iii] Ibid.
[iv] Ibid.
