I love walking into a store and seeing school supplies front and center, just waiting for excited children and (maybe-not-as-excited) parents to snag discounted items. If my inner-organizing-self had it her way, she’d rush to the notebooks, pens, and Post-it notes and pile them in her cart. But, alas, my children are grown, and notebooks on my shelf still await usage.
Maybe you look forward to back to school shopping. Or maybe it’s a chore you’d rather not perform. Either way, teens are headed back to school. And we need to prepare, physically and mentally.
Besides clearing the closet and making room for new shoes, backpacks, and lunch items, how can we prepare for back to school days?
1 – Structure the day for maximum success. Most of us, teens included, function best when our days are structured. Discuss with your child how much time they need in the morning in order to get to school before the first bell, allowing for hygiene, breakfast, and last-minute tasks that may arise. If appropriate, schedule shower/bathroom times for each child to avoid morning arguments. Help them determine a consistent bedtime and time for their morning alarm. Have nutritional breakfast options on hand. And, while we’re talking about food, stock up on healthy snacks for a quick after-school bite.
As part of the day’s structure, talk about screen time/social media time. Will there be limits on their phone? Will they need to shut their phones/computers off at a certain time each evening? Incorporate conversations about online safety.
2 – Consider organizations and/or extracurricular activities for your teen to join. Children learn time management skills, organizational skills, and how to get along with others through these pursuits. Additionally, when they participate in group activities and organizations, they are engaged in more face-to-face time and less screen time.
3 – Practice refusal skills. Because of their need to belong, a teen may succumb to peer pressure in order to fit in. Before the first day of school, ask your child how they will respond if someone asks them to vape, offers them alcohol, or attempts to show them something on their phone. (A good response to the phone scenario is asking, “What are you about to show me?” This may keep them from seeing a pornographic image.) What will they say if they’re invited to a party with drinking or no adult supervision? Role play scenarios and ask them to practice their responses. This may sound elementary and your teen could roll their eyes, but simply having the conversation tells them you understand what they face each day and you care about their well-being.
4 – Be available after school, physically and emotionally. I know this isn’t possible for all parents, but if you’re home, greet your teen as they walk in the door. Hang out in a common space, like the kitchen or living room. Discern your child’s temperament, and ask open-ended questions. Listen as they talk about their day. If needed, allow them to decompress and express their hurts and struggles without judgment. We want our children to see us as a safe space where they can share their enthusiasm and their anxiety.
5 – Pay attention to red flags. Whether your teen is excited or anxious about returning to school, the first several weeks can be stressful. That’s typical. But their stress level should normalize as they learn their new routine and connect with friends. Look for signals that something is amiss. Possible red flags include: withdrawal, isolating, a change in appearance, more anxious or depressed, a lack of motivation, asking not to go to school, irritability, and anger. This list is not complete, nor are these signals indications something is definitely wrong. However, if any arise, you may want to investigate.
6 – Celebrate. Ask your teen the high point of their day. Show enthusiasm and excitement for any achievement or “win,” great or small. Congratulate them when they try something new or step out of their comfort zone. Find something to applaud. Be their biggest cheerleader.
7 – Pre-plan a family activity. Before school begins, as a family, plan an activity or outing for the first weekend school starts. It can be a family night of pizza and games, attending a local sporting event, or a weekend away—something your children can look forward to. Ask everyone to contribute ideas and ensure each person has at least one part they’re looking forward to. They could select the destination, the place you’ll eat, or games you’ll take. Maybe they can choose a new outfit to wear.
Back to school can be a difficult transition. But it doesn’t have to be. Think ahead. Plan, and then be flexible. And remember to add margin in each calendar day. Let’s do our best to help our teens thrive and succeed!
Barb Winters
Barb Winters is a Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, and founder of Hopeful Mom.
