Love. We dream about it, sing songs about it, and talk incessantly about it. We watch mushy movies hoping true love wins. We desire love in our own lives.
When I was a teen, my primary objective was to discover love. I longed for the guy who would sweep me off my feet and complete my life by loving me deeply. I just knew that love would cure all the things that ailed me. I would no longer be shy, insecure, or flawed. The ache in my heart would disappear.
A 1980s song by Huey Lewis and the News titled “The Power of Love” claimed that love doesn’t take money or fame. The author stated that the power of love is strong, hard, and sometimes cruel. But it can save your life. They also said love is more than a feeling. Ah, there’s the catch.
It sounds like a contradiction. We chase the feeling of love. Yet love is not a feeling. Those butterflies in our stomachs. The flutter in our hearts. That feels like love. But it isn’t. In the classroom, we tell students that love may grow from the attraction or infatuation we experience, but those sensations are not true love.
So, what is love? And why is it so powerful?
While there are many forms of love (the Greeks use multiple words to describe different types of love), the highest form of love is sacrificial and giving. It’s not based on performance or achievement. It’s pure, selfless, and immeasurable. This type of love is motivated by the other person’s best interest and is given freely without expectations.
As parents, our job is to model selfless love and steer our teens toward healthy, loving relationships.
Describing what love isn’t may help us. It isn’t temporary, selfish, possessive, or based on attraction or sex. Love is not an emotion. Emotions are fleeting and unreliable. Love isn’t.
Love grows over time and is lasting and secure. Love is a decision. Think about the last time you were angry with your children. Did you still love them? I’m assuming the answer is yes. Not because they deserved your love, but because you decided, probably at their birth, to love them. (I realize there are exceptions and not every parent loves their children unconditionally. This is a generalization.)
How Do We Show Love?
Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships. P. 77.
Unfortunately, we don’t always show love to our teens. Even when we say we love them (which I highly recommend), our actions sometimes speak otherwise. And while some children appreciate affection more than others, they need more than our hugs.
A loving parent is available. They are patient, calm, and present. They care about each aspect of their child’s life and show it by listening, nodding at applicable times, and offering support. They know their child’s likes and dislikes and offer advice, encouragement and hope. They spend time with their child.
Connection matters more than actions. As a child develops and matures, a loving parent sets boundaries and follows through on consequences because they desire to protect their child. They understand these actions teach responsibility, self-discipline, and self-control. And parents model forgiveness and reconciliation because the bond between them takes priority.
Benefits of Loving Parents
Most parents want their children to succeed as adults. Admittedly, some children (teens!) are easier to love than others. However, our job is to care for them and love them the best we can. And there are so many reasons loving our children well is beneficial.
“Love … plays a significant role in brain health and cognitive function. Scientific research has shown that love positively impacts brain chemistry, reducing stress, enhancing memory, and promoting long-term well-being. … Love optimizes brain function and contributes to overall mental and emotional health.”
People who know they are loved are more secure and stable because they feel safe. Their confidence helps them connect with others more easily. They understand their self-worth, which makes them less vulnerable to manipulation. They are less likely to be offended and more willing to offer their thoughts without apprehension.
As parents, we hope that as we interact with our teens, they will learn techniques that help them in future relationships. Thankfully, we don’t have to be perfect to show love. And we can continue to grow in this area.
Connect
I recommend connecting with your child this week. Learn their love language, spend time together over a meal, or schedule an outing. Show love. Whatever you choose, be intentional. Your relationship is worth the effort.
Barb Winters is a Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, author of Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships, and founder of Hopeful Mom. In March 2025, Barb was named in the list of 20 Inspiring Women Dedicated to Making Life Safer for Kids.
